It’s Christmas Eve, and I’m sitting in my in-law’s wood-heated house, cozy in my pajamas, apple pie baking in the oven, Christmas music playing in the background, cousins playing happily (or not so happily, depending on the moment).
We will not have a white Christmas this year. Last night we had an ice storm, but today the temperature has warmed so that all that falls from the sky is rain. Somehow that seems appropriate this year.
While we are enjoying our time with my husband’s family, unspoken in every moment is the massive gaping hole where Elli should be. We talk about her now and then, we think about the parts of the celebrating she loved, my eyes linger on the photos of her.
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| Enjoying a snow day last winter |
So rain seems fitting this year. I don’t plan to cry all day tomorrow. I don’t plan to cry much, actually. We are, by the grace of God, able to enjoy the excitement of our children and our niece. We are very thankful to be spending the time with family, not alone.
But most importantly, we can remember that 2000 years ago, God put on flesh, entered time and space, and joined a poor family in the tiny nation of Israel. Jesus, God the Son, was born to live a holy and sinless life, pay the debt we owe for our unholy and sinful lives, and ultimately conquer death and sin for us. I appreciate His victory over death and hell so much now that one of my children has tasted death. Praise God for His mercy, for this indescribable gift!
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I’m not sure how to put this without sounding like the typical statement by people who just say it and you know they really don’t mean it. But…my family has been keeping you all in our prayers and you have been on my heart and mind especially this week with the Christmas season. I am glad you are with the family and can enjoy one another like you never have before. Tell everyone I said hello for me and wish them a Merry Christmas. I will be praying for you Christmas day that you can fully celebrate our Saviour’s birth. What a beautiful thought to think of Elli having a celebration with Jesus himself and singing Happy Birthday to Him. One day we too will be able to surround Him and sing praises to His name. Talk about a party! We love you and your family. Merry Christmas!
Another who has had you guys in my prayers, although I haven’t visited the blog since just before Christmas. I too shed some tears on Christmas day…and you came to my mind…I know how painful it was to lose Ruby without getting the chance to “know” her really…whereas you had Elli for years. I can’t imagine your pain, but I can imagine your relief that she’s no longer suffering and is now perfect and whole in Heaven. People would say that to me before Ruby was born, and I’d look at them and shake my head and walk away, thinking what could they possibly know, but now that she’s gone, they were right. There is comfort for me in that knowledge, and I pray for the same for you guys.
*hugs*
From A Festival of Nine Lessons and Carols – Kings College Cambridge
BELOVED IN CHRIST, be it this Christmas Eve our care and delight to prepare ourselves to hear again the message of the angels; in heart and mind to go even unto Bethlehem and see this thing which is come to pass, and the Babe lying in a manger.
Let us read and mark in Holy Scripture the tale of the loving purposes of God from the first days of our disobedience unto the glorious Redemption brought us by this Holy Child; and let us make this Chapel, dedicated to Mary, his most blessed Mother, glad with our carols of praise:
But first let us pray for the needs of his whole world; for peace and goodwill over all the earth; for unity and brotherhood within the Church he came to build, and especially in the dominions of our sovereign lady Queen Elizabeth, within this University and City of Cambridge, and in the two royal and religious Foundations of King Henry VI here and at Eton:
And because this of all things would rejoice his heart, let us at this time remember in his name the poor and the helpless, the cold, the hungry and the oppressed; the sick in body and in mind and them that mourn; the lonely and the unloved; the aged and the little children; all who know not the Lord Jesus, or who love him not, or who by sin have grieved his heart of love.
Lastly let us remember before God all those who rejoice with us, but upon another shore and in a greater light, that multitude which no man can number, whose hope was in the Word made flesh, and with whom, in this Lord Jesus, we for evermore are one.
“sigh” and tomorrow we celebrate the beginning of a new year, the first year without Elli. Such a conflict of emotions, I’m sure.
God’s blessings to you all in 2009!!!