What is “Joy In the Journey” about? Recently, a few readers have questioned the purpose, content, and value of this blog. And several people have criticized me for saying that things aren’t always great in my life. So, since many of you seem to be new to me, I thought I’d introduce myself and share a little bit about what I’m doing here.
This blog is about my journey through this life and the lessons God is teaching me about finding joy no matter the circumstances.
Yes, I am a slow learner. I struggle and fight against some of the lessons placed before me. I sometimes willfully refuse to do the homework. Or I simply fail to grasp and apply a concept.
And, I have chosen not to hide this. I write about the ups and the downs, my willfulness and my submission, my failures and God’s successes.
This life has not been roses and smiles, particularly in the last ten years. Shortly after my husband and I married, we conceived a little girl. Much to our shock, she was born with life-threatening cardiac defects. They were so complex and so severe that the doctors first told us that it was unfixable and that she would need a heart transplant… if the right heart could be found within 3 weeks. (At the time, the average wait for an infant heart was 6 weeks.) Very quickly, they realized that repair was her only option. Ellie underwent a total of four open-heart surgeries in the first 3 years of her life, and we lost count of how many other surgeries and procedures she had. Because not only was her heart deformed, but it stopped beating altogether when she was 4 days old, and didn’t restart for 30 minutes. She suffered a massive brain injury, resulting in severe cerebral palsy, epilepsy, inability to eat or speak, difficulty sleeping, and chronic respiratory failure. We had to do everything for her at all hours of the day or night. I think I was chronically sleep-deprived for 8 1/2 years.
Ellie was a beautiful girl, despite the body that wouldn’t cooperate with her. She learned how to use a computer to communicate with us, belly-laughed when we made up silly words to her favorite songs, and couldn’t get enough swinging on the swingset. She was learning to drive a power chair, and one day decided to drive her wheelchair into the boys’ bathroom. You can read more about her by clicking the links in the sidebar to the right.
Then, my precious 8-year-old daughter died. She left us suddenly, unexpectedly, six months ago. And at the exact same time, a string of crises hit our small church (and by small, I mean less than 50). So after 8 1/2 years of non-stop sacrificial service to our daughter, God really turned up the heat.
So I am grieving. I am weary. I am discouraged and often overwhelmed. I am struggling to adjust to the new life God has given us. And I am not hiding it.
Life as a follower of Jesus Christ is not all roses and smiles. I wish it was. But it seems that we learn the most during the dark difficult times.
My hope, my purpose here, is that by sharing my struggles and then by sharing the long, slow, sometimes painful, uphill climb out of the valley that I am confident lies further down this road (and maybe, just maybe, has started already), that this story can be an encouragement to others who are also struggling through their own deep dark valley.
I know that many of you are struggling, too. I hope that we, even though we may disagree on some things, can and will still pray for one another through it. Please also pray for God to be evident in our words and our writing, in our actions and in our thoughts. I think we all, when we’re being brutally honest, will acknowledge how difficult this can be, especially when emotions are running high and the stress is immeasurable.
God is at work in all of this, I am confident of that. I pray that He helps me be moldable clay so that He can make of this mess something beautiful.
Writing a blog or a comment takes a lot of work — as my dad has reminded me, it is tough to manage conversations in writing. Tone comes across MUCH stronger than we actually intend without the aid of tone of voice and body language. Therefore, we all (I’m including myself in this reminder because I confess I have not consistently written well either and I apologize for that) need to take that into account when we write.
We must work hard to soften the written words, to dial down the extreme language. Sadly, more than one commenter did not use the kind of godly speech that they challenged everyone else to use. And that’s a shame, because it makes the Bible whose verses were so casually thrown about, look ineffective and base. And it totally erodes the writer’s message.
So why did I choose to write about the struggles mothers of young children have, anyway? I did not expect such passionate and widely-differing response, that’s for sure. I wrote about this topic because I think it is a commonly-overlooked area of ministry. I see so many moms struggling with very little help from those around them. To be sure, some church communities serve mothers well. I’m also sure that they are weak in other areas. The body of Christ is similar to an individual body – it has strengths and weaknesses.
I falsely assumed that other readers are like I am — willing to consider the possibility that others experience life differently than themselves and willing to try to understand and relate to a different perspective. Many of the comments came across as if their writer couldn’t or wouldn’t comprehend the struggles that so many mothers shared.
I encourage each of you to open your hearts and minds to the value of different perspectives. This is something that my daughter taught me — to value people who are different from me and to try to see the world through their eyes before snapping to conclusions and giving advice. My advice always changes when I understand where another person is coming from.
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Joy, I can assure you that I truly enjoy and am encouraged by your postings. Hearing about your life, your struggles, your heartaches, etc., just reminds me that we are all here to serve one another and love one another–and through this that we might glorify our God. God knows that moms of young kids get weary–He understands and knows there is a need for help and assistance from others. When we don’t get to sit and enjoy a sermon or church service, we do feel cheated somehow. I remember one particular Sunday, right before VBS began a couple years ago, Pastor Scott preached a message that many said was “the best message he had ever preached”. There was a boat on the stage as decoration for VBS. That particular Sunday, I was in the nursery. I really felt left out and kind of discouraged. I mean, I was happy that the moms of the young ones in the nursery got to hear the message, but I was a little bummed to be honest that I didn’t get to hear it. Yes, maybe that was a selfish thought…but I’m just being honest. So, I know that young moms who have to care for their kids during the services don’t get the encouragement and support they need many times.
Anyway, sorry for the long story–I just wanted to encourage you to continue to share you thoughts, your heart and your struggles with those of us who love you and pray for you. Hopefully those who disagree will find a more edifying way of saying they disagree.
Thanks so much for your written words. You are always an encouragement!
Hi Joy,
Thanks for posting this and helping me to learn more about Elli.
Your words about the Christian life not being all roses and smiles helped me to rewrite Sunday’s sermon a little clearer:
“God never promises that the Christian life is easy. If someone promises you that, I don’t know what they are selling but it isn’t Christianity and it certainly isn’t a radical life of following as a disciple of Jesus.”
Thank you for keeping me intellectual and pastorally honest.
Blessings as you continue your journey! And we need to talk sometime soon, huh?
My Dear Joy, It has been a rough week or so for you, because you opened up your heart as to where you are right now. I am so sorry. It is hard to be misunderstood. And I confess that I too misunderstood your first blog “A Call for Simplicity and Service-Mindedness at Church”. With my first read I thought I understood you to say that you thought that nursery and toddler care should be the sole responsibility of the older women (me thinking you were referring directly to women about my age and my situation with all grown children), so that the younger moms with little ones could be totally free to enjoy and participate in all the church activities. It was upsetting. I am sure you are wondering how I could have understood it that way, and upon rereading it and more importantly from what I know of you, I should have known better. For that I ask your forgiveness. I wonder if perhaps some of the other people who responded negatively to your entry made the same mistake or one along similar lines as mine. Just a thought.
It also wasn’t what you were trying to say. It was a plea for some help and ideas as a mother of young children on how you could have some time with your church body during times of spiritual worship, instruction and fellowship. You possibly were looking for a rotation system that would mean less frequent turns on your part in that rotation.
Maybe I still don’t have it right, but I hope it is closer.
I know at least many of the trials and struggles you have faced in the last nine plus years; – more than most of us care to even imagine. And I have seen you and your wonderful husband move through them with a strength and courage that could only have come from the Holy Spirit working through you and in you. Are you and your husband completely Christ-like? No, and neither of you claim to be; – you are both works in progress. You both show a desire to be pliable in God’s hands and to let Him have His way. Do you struggle even with that at times? Yes, but your underling desire is to be totally Christ-like. God is doing a great work in your lives. He just isn’t finished yet.
Anyone who knows you at all, would never never think of either one of you as totally “me” centered people. You have both given of yourselves, more than most of us, even in the midst of some long lasting and difficult trials.
God is using you in the lives of many people. So keep on persevering. I appreciate you sharing where you struggle and even resist. It makes you real and approachable, when I struggle. I feel that I can come to you. It also helps when you share how you have overcome. It encourages hope.
You may have a ways to go, but you are moving in the right direction. I am grateful to be able to learn from you, and to grow in Christ-likeness along side of you. It is and has been a privilege to be your mom.
I will continue to pray with you that we believers would all learn how to serve one another in love – especially for young mothers with tiny children and demanding schedules; – that those of us without the tiny children would recognize when we can serve these young moms and respond with a loving servant’s heart. Recognizing that serving another often means dieing to self and leaning heavily on the Holy Spirit to follow through and serve with a cheerful heart.
I love you, Joy more than ever. You share your triumphs, your struggles, and your defeats. May God our Father ultimately be glorified through your life and all who call upon His name.
Mom
Joy, I love you dearly. I’ve read posts in the past that put me to tears and prayer. I liken them to the Psalms. Authors who cry out from their dark, dark circumstances to a God they seem to “hope” is there. They always come out rejoicing in a God they KNOW is there. That is always my prayer for myself and it is for you. That we will see Him as He says He is until we see Him as He IS! Like Elli sees Him.
Big hugs.
Your brother, Michael
I love your honesty and openness, keep it up, Joy!
(I can’t remember my password!!!)
Libby M.
Wait… Christians think negative things sometimes? Bad things happen to believers? Who signed me up for that?
Joy, thanks so much for your openness and honesty. Life is a difficult journey filled with joy, happiness, sorrow and grief. You exhibit all these openly. Anyone who thinks Christians don’t experience all these things misunderstands Christianity. Following Jesus isn’t an insurance policy against bad things happening and it certainly doesn’t mean we won’t find the road difficult and the journey hard. However, the journey is also rich and can be filled with deep joy and happiness. Thanks for exhibiting that!
Thank you for giving a window into YOUR journey and thank you for your honesty. My husband and daughter have a rare genetic disease, and some days there is just a LOT to handle. However, when I read your blog, I realize that there are others out there who may be feeling the same discouragement, joy, happiness and all parts of the spectrum in between. Thanks for your encouragement! Thank you for being willing to show your humanness and your ability to keep your eyes (and your blog!) focused on Jesus.
Hi Joy,
I hope you will continue to blog. It might be interesting to check responses to those writings of yours that are primarily:
1) narrative – telling your story
2) inquiry – inviting an opinion
3) advocacy – this is my opinion
4) pointing out a problem
5) rants – or laments
I have not done so, but I suspect #1 is both the most interesting, useful, and likely to get the most positive responses. #2 is usually safe but sometimes I half wonder if you are trying to pull someone’s chain – particularly if the inquiry takes the form “I am thinking about doing … what do you think?” That could very well be my issue, but even if it is, it underscores the point that everyone brings their own preconceptions and issues to what they hear and read. Even Dad. It should be no surprise that #3 gets some edgy responses. #4 is real tricky because it may be perceived as a personal attack, or whining, or inappropriate public criticism. Better put the shields up if you feel the need to do this. The Christian community does not get #5 very much at all, yet lamentation is very Biblical. Think Job, Jeremiah, and many Psalms. Job understood that much of what we say in pain needs to be said but not corrected. “For the despairing man there should be kindness from his friend; so that he does not forsake the fear of the Almighty.” (Job 6:14) and “Do you intend to reprove my words, when the words of one in despair belong to the wind?” (Job 6:26)
I suggest if you need to rant, put a warning first “WARNING: Rant in progress. Turn Job 6:14, 26 filter ON.”
Love,
Dad
Joy, what wonderfully wise words from your dad! Thank you for sharing.
Joy, I very much enjoy your blog – you’re an excellent writer and your insight and sincerity are a blessing. -Phil Wittmer’s wife.
Amazing post and one I really needed to hear tonight! We are in the process of adopting our baby boy Jeremiah from taiwan. Jeremiah has severe cerebral palsy. We do not know what the future holds, but we know we love that little boy with all our might and every second it takes to get him home is second we loose with him. We are working so hard to get him home quickly. Please pray for him and thank you for sharing so much of your hear here!
God bless,
Tami
Mama to Celeste, Noah and Jeremiah
PRAYING JEREMIAH HOME QUICKLY
http://www.tillGodbringsthemhome.blogspot.com
http://www.jeremiahspromisejohn1418.blogspot.com
Joy
Thank you so much for your honesty and faith in all the trials. Someday I will get around to writing our whole story, you have inspired me with your trust that Christ is sufficient and quite large enough to handle our doubts, tantrums and fears.
Your blog is a blessing to me and there most definitely is Joy in your Journey.
Thank you
Ally