Welcome to everyone stopping by from the 2011 Ultimate Blog Party!
My name is Joy, and I am a writer who blogs.
I’m a little different, and I’m finally ok with it.
Since I first learned to put letters together into words, writing has given me freedom to be my most real “me.” For some reason, speaking the total blood-honest truth is almost impossible. But writing it… that I can do.
See, conversation is always impromtu, and I am clumsy. I trip over and fumble words, jumble my thoughts together, stop short for fear of saying the wrong thing, or blurt too harsh or completely thoughtless. Then I lay, staring into the dark, wincing again at how boorish or furtive I was that day.
Putting pen to paper, or keys to screen, allows me to pour out my soul one word at a time. Then, I edit until the words waltz and harmonize (at least, I get closer to that ideal). Writing gives me confidence to lay down my “Everything is Fine” false front and be genuine: depressed, sad, silly, confused, angry, sarcastic, hopeful, tired, crazy, thoughtful, hurt. This woman is all of those things every day.
Five and a half years ago, I started a blog because I was stuck at home with a disabled and often seriously-ill child. Our days were full of hospitals, medications, therapies, dirty diapers, vomit, and exhaustion.
- I wrote the painful fearful truth of those days so they wouldn’t fade into the fog of fatigue.
- I wrote to celebrate the tiny successes we fought for, the ones everyone else missed because their kids had bodies that cooperated with them. Successes like learning to drink from a straw after practicing for three long years. These came along just often enough to keep us going.
- I wrote so that onlookers, who tended to say unhelpful things like “I don’t know how you do it” and “You’re a saint” might better grasp the imperfect way in which we navigated our dirty, exhausted, semi-insane reality.
- I wrote because I needed something creative, something expressive, something completely other to reassure me that I hadn’t completely disappeared beneath the murky waters of chronic uncertainty.
Then, our special little girl died, two and a half years ago. While to the five of us who were left, our lives feel foreign and ill-fitting, to the average onlooker, our family looks normal for the first time ever.
After all, burying your child isn’t like getting your hair colored or buying a new pair of shoes. You can’t tell by looking.
But I felt it. Every relationship felt awkward, like we were all walking on egg shells around each other. I didn’t know what to say or do. So I wrote about my grief.
I still write about grief today, but it’s how I appreciate things I would have taken for granted if I had never had a disabled child or buried a child. Typical parents complain about silly little things like the bus schedule or a teacher giving a B or the inconvenience of all the extra activities their child is in (that they signed him or her up for!).
Sometimes I want to tell these complainers to be thankful their children can walk, talk, run around, and have never seen the inside of the hospital, let alone an operating room. I want to point out that my daughter never got real grades, did occupational and physical therapy for extra-curriculars, and died at age eight. And we were proud of her.
But that would be like pulling the pin and tossing a live grenade into a party. So I share the perspective I have here, blogging about going forward.
I’m also a Christian. I have to admit though, that I am ashamed of much that has been done in the name of Christianity. At first glance, I might look like one of those characterized more by what they hate than by what they love… I grew up in a Christian home, was home-schooled for ten years (loooong before it was “normal”), graduated from a conservative Baptist college, and married a truly-amazing Christian man.
Like everyone else, I’m on a journey and sadly have not yet arrived. May I suggest that slapping labels and making assumptions oversimplifies?
- I love Jesus and pray to be more like him every day (even though I fail miserably every day — just ask my kids).
- I work outside my home (and inside it too).
- I vote both sides of the ballot.
- I love a cold Sam Adams on a hot summer day.
- I read the Bible and the Huffington Post; I listen to 80s hair bands, some Christian music (but not Christian radio – it makes me ill), and NPR.
- I believe in Truth, but I don’t believe we can ever have all the answers, nor do I believe everything boils down to simple black and white, yes or no, right or wrong.
My faith has undergone an extreme makeover these last several years. At first, it was so unsettling that I kept up a false front, hiding my questions, my doubts, going it alone.
Reading and talking with others gave me courage to start asking questions and talking about some doubts out loud. And, slowly, I have begun writing about them.
I battle depression. On the heels of our daughter’s death and some painful damage to relationships (unrelated to her death), depression set in. I hid from it for months, denying its existence. depression. But it grew and started eating away at my relationships at home and work.
My husband and I realized that I needed help. Two years later, I can see light. And I’m talking about it. I know how important it was to admit that I needed help, and how difficult it was to actually reach out and ask for it.
Why? Why talk about things most people hide?
Because other women lost people and dreams and hope. We have crashed head-on into the reality that life often sucks.
And we all wonder if we are alone.
I write because we can support one another, even if it is purely through messages online. I write to make a safe place to talk about the things we hide.
We can find the strength to keep going, we can find hope, but only if we’re honest, transparent, vulnerable, and accepting of one another.
Updated for the Ultimate Blog Party 2011 from my archives
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Enough about me — I want to meet you! Why do you blog? Or, why do you read blogs?
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Hi Joy! I’ve been following your blog for a while. I have to admit, I am one of those to complain, especially about bedroom routine and laundry. But I am learning that I have so much to be thankful for and often take things for granted. I appreciate your openness and honesty on your blog. That is why I follow you!
Barbie recently posted..Welcome To The Party!
Heh. You nailed two of the toughest mom-tasks ever, I think (well, aside from potty-training). Laundry and bedtime… ugh. But thankful that we have clothes to wear and to wash, and machines to use, and beds to sleep in, and kids to tuck in. We are blessed — we just have to keep reminding ourselves.
Laundry! BARF!!!
Emiliana Martin recently posted..One Fool still in love 20 years later
I loved what I read about you! You sound like the kind of person I would like to visit with for awhile. I’m glad you stumble on your words in person. I would hate to be around you if all your words came out perfectly edited:) that would be no fun!
i like the eclecticity as well (from the root word eclectic:) also adds to the interesting. how boring is it to think the same all across the board? Well, I guess it doesn’t HAVE to be boring but I enjoy diversity. It adds texture to life as well as art.
As Ruth Bell Graham (yes, Billy’s wife!) was once quoted as saying, “If we agree on everything, one of us is redundant.” (She was talking about marriage, but it can relate to many relationships.
The reason I started blogging was because I saw all these mommy-bloggers giving each other parenting and life advice that wasn’t always all that great. One of the reasons it wasn’t good was because they had not lived through the whole cycle of raising a child to adulthood. Many were still trying to come to terms with the way they were parented. I felt that there needed to be a voice from someone who had lived through the whole cycle. I had never written much except for school assignments…and charting on patients of course! (Please don’t all yell in unison, “we can tell!”)
The hard part is gaining the audience of course. It’s a very small niche. Centering it around God’s Grace has helped me have a better focus than being the bossy, preachy person that no one wants to hear.
May God’s rich grace be with you. martha
Well, it is always interesting when I get into conversations. Sometimes my filter doesn’t work very well!
Great word – I am going to try to work eclecticity into my vocabulary now.
I think you’re onto something there about mom-blogging. There’s a reason women with more life experience are encouraged to mentor the younger — they have seen the consequences and learned a lot along the way. We would do well to pay attention. Thank you so much for reading and for your kind comment. Maybe some day we’ll meet in person!
i’m guessing @ relevant11:)…and fear not, my filter isn’t the greatest either. sometimes i’m actually in a fog…or it seems that way!
Oh yay! You’ll be at Relevant!!!!
THIS is why I love you … honest, real, humble … and so, so filled with grace. Thank you, Joy, for who you are and for allowing us to learn and grow with you. xoxo
Hugs and kisses to you, too, Teri. Thank you for your encouragement along the way!
Hi Joy! I’m visiting from 5MM today – glad I stopped by! I loved your bulleted list of Christian and “non-Christian” things about you. I think we might have grown up in similar homes because your list reflects my life, too, but would certainly shock some of the people I used to go to church with! ha! Have a wonderful day!
Hah! That list is by no means comprehensive.
Thanks for stopping by!
Joy… I’m truly glad to have come across you and your blog. You DO write with an honesty that is refreshing… DEEP. And I, too, can relate. I, generally, write so much better than I do speak. Even on the phone.
I am definitely going to seek you out on Facebook and follow along with you…
OH! And I’m dropping by from the UBP… I hope you’ll stop by Hiccups In Time.
I hope to get to know you better in time.
Dawna recently posted..Lets Get This Party Started
Nice to meet you, Dawna! Love your blog name.
I have been here often, love you honesty. I am learning not to hide too.
My loss and grief is so very different but I what has been birthed because of it is similar. I still feel like an outsider sometimes…that people are cautious about what they say…and some who say things and just don’t get it.
I write about my grief and my faith that has grown and been changed because of it. Sometimes the thoughts swirl inside my head and I cannot stop it…I need to write it.
I appreciate your writing and check in often to read and pray for you!
ps-still loving my Christa Wells CD I won from your blog a while back!
Jen
Jen recently posted..My Security Blankie
Oh good! I’m so glad you are enjoying the CD. And I totally relate to the thoughts swirling and needing to be set down on paper.
I blog because I love words. I love playing with words and moving them around to say what I want them to say. I blog because I want to be understood – to communicate – to connect. I want to make people smile – think – appreciate. And like you – I want to be real. your post touched me. Blessings.
Melinda recently posted..The Ultimate Blog Party 2011
Yes! A word lover! So nice to meet you here.
So glad you are sharing your story, including that of your depression. As someone who has suffered it myself, I understand. Stopping by for the UBP11 and so glad to meet you!
Nice to meet you too, Katherine. It is nice to be understood and know you aren’t alone. I am, for the moment, off anti-depressants. We shall see if I can stay off, or if the winter months get me down too much. But for now, I’m enjoying longer days and spring (well, the promise of it anyway!).
I stumbled upon this through the UBP and I am so glad I did. In many ways I can relate to your story. My children are still living but my son has Autism. When we first found out we grieved. I think sometimes we still grieve for the dreams we had. I know it cannot compare to what you went through and still go through every day. I don’t believe in accidents. There is a reason that I found your site today. I think it is to remind me that we must always appreciate what we have even if it is not the hand we wish we would have been dealt. Thank you for that reality check. I will be back to read more soon. I hope you will stop by my site as well and let me know what you think and to make sure you keep me in line! LOL
Sharon from Mama’s Turn Now recently posted..The Case of the Missing Pencil
Any time a loved one receives a diagnosis like that, we grieve. And with a child, it’s a cyclical grief, coming and going as life changes, they hit (or miss) milestones, their peers hit milestones that they don’t, etc. I totally underestimated that the first several years. I’d be blindsided on a Sunday morning when the children’s choir sang, and the kids were Ellie’s age, but she couldn’t sing with them.
I’m on my to visit you now!
Wow, You’ve been through a lot, and you have such powerful words to get it all across. I am really glad to have met you, and you’ve caught my attention so you’re one of the very few I’ll actually bookmark throughout this week. Because your attitude glows, and I like it.
Thank you for being so open.
Thank you, Lindsay. I look forward to seeing you around here.
stopping by from the party… I read you often, but comment rarely!
sometimes I wish I could be a little different… and okay with it!
Julie Anne recently posted..Still figuring it out
Isn’t it strange how hard it is for us to learn to accept who we are, and be comfortable with that? I look around me and I see just how much God loves variety and how beautiful that variety is. But it’s still difficult to accept being one of the different ones myself.
I’m stopping by as part of the Ultimate Blog Party. Thank you so much for pouring out your heart in words. So much of what you wrote, I see reflected in myself. I’m striving more “real” on my blog. My disabled child is 13. I have a neglected blog about her story. I’m so glad I stopped by to visit with you. You’ve inspired me to allow more of me to come through my own blog.
Tess recently posted..It’s A Party!!!
I’d love to read your story, your daughter’s story, some time. Will you send me the link?
Hi, I’m in from #UPB11.
I too much prefer to write than speak what I’m thinking. I always thought I was the only one….Glad to know that I’m not alone (I’m sure my husband will be relieved also. I argue by writing it out for him to read, he’ll respond, and I’ll write more. I feel kind of sorry for him…)
Crissyanna recently posted..Welcome to the Party!
Oh Crissyanna, that made me laugh! I do the SAME THING. I write my husband letters, and then I’ll write responses. But I just process and communicate better that way.
visiting from UBP’11 – great intro post! I love blogs that are well written about real life, not just fluffy flutter. I’m a sometime writer and am always looking for inspiration to help me improve my writing. Definitely becoming a follower.
Jana recently posted..Hello!
Thank you, Jana. I learned something from the party last year — write a post that is similar to your every-day blogging so people know what to expect. My party post last year was really light-hearted, which is fine, but then I didn’t blog like that. I decided this year I should write the way I write. Not everyone will like it, but at least they’ll know what to expect. I’m glad you came by and appreciate other-than-fluff.
Hello, Joy!
Popping in from the UBP – it’s my first time joining and I’m excited about getting to know other Christian mommies in the blogging world! Your honesty and transparancy is refreshing, and I am looking forward to reading more of your blog. I have had a blog for a while, but I have not blogged much, still, I’d love to have you come visit me at http://creative-joy.blogspot.com/2011/03/joining-my-first-blog-party.html
Many blessings,
Jamie:)
Hi Jamie, so nice to meet you! I too have enjoyed meeting other Christian bloggers and finding inspiration. I’ll be by to say hey soon!
Thank you so much for sharing your story & I am so sorry for your loss. It is SO iMPORTANT to talk about what others wont talk about – so we all know we’re not alone. so thank you
xxo
Devan @ Accustomed Chaos recently posted..Social Media Etiquette 101
YES. I am passionate about open up those closet doors and bringing light into the shadows. The dark traps and I don’t want anyone to be trapped any more.
Joy, I love this post today. I love your honesty and your heart felt words. They touched me. I have come to know many women who struggle with depression and grief. Life is not easy on any of us and we are usually hiding our own despair and discouragement behind the person we are pretending to be. I have not been through the same things as you, but I have been through my own kinds of trials. I have learned and grown from them, and looking back from a long distance, I can honestly say that they have brought me blessings I never imagined. I blog because I hope that I can help others and touch their lives. I blog because I love to write and to read. I blog because it has brought me friends and given me examples to live my own life by. Love you post today. I can already tell that I will like it here.
Pattyann recently posted..Wordless Wednesday
I’m just beginning to see what God has done through all these painful years, but it has taken me a long time to be willing to look at it. I agree – blogging has brought me many new friends and encouragers, too. I’m so glad you stopped by, Pattyann, and I look forward to reading what you have learned, too.
I was just writing my UBP entry and wrote about joy in the journey. Then I decided to google it out of curiosity and found your UBP post!
I appreciate your honesty. I find it easier to write too, but haven’t come to a point where I can post my deepest feelings as of yet…
It can be pretty scary to put it out there. Sometimes people don’t want to read it, sometimes you don’t like seeing it in black-and-white for all the world to read. There are definitely ways to do it and ways not to — I’ve learned the hard way by making lots of mistakes.
Hmmm… maybe I should post about writing vulnerably…
I think I found your blog through Ann Voskamp’s blog, not too long ago.
What a great question- why do I blog?
Hmmm.
The reasons have evolved since the beginning. I’ve almost quit several times, but always keep coming back. There are 3 reasons in the present that keep me blogging.
1. At least I can say I am writing.
2. A journal to add to my regular journal.
3. Lately, the blogs I have been reading by women who have a relationship with God have been an inspiration and encouragement to me. Honesty, transparency, and simple devotion to Christ have shone through their blogging. Like yours.
Paula recently posted..April Fools- I Wish
I’ve almost quit several times too. Usually when I feel completely dried up, like there’s nothing more to say. I give it a rest, and eventually God gives me something to write about. I’m so glad you are sticking with it!
Joy-
If it was not for you, I would be a deep, dark hole of the abyss unable to climb my way out.
If not for meeting you and Elli, i would be unable to cope with Lauren and Autism.
You have given me a gift and a lesson. If not for you, I would think that Autism was the worst thing in the world. i often wonder how school has gone that day for Lauren but I never wonder if she will be with me in the morning.
Thank you for that gift.
Kristin
Kristin recently posted..Cake Massacre
It was a gift to have you the years that you lived near us. To have another mom who understood so much of what we were dealing with every day helped me feel less alone.
I read your blog because you are a little different (and a lot like me)…My heart aches for your loss but I admire the way that you process it on your blog so that others can learn and relate.
I love the Huffington Post, BTW!
Melissa recently posted..Not wasting a story
A kindred spirit! Do you also listen to NPR?
Really lovely introduction. I think it’s great that you can share your story, and share it so beautifully.
Christine recently posted..A Part of the Party
Thank you. It has taken a looooong time to get here.
I’m doing the party too, but I actually found you through Twitter awhile ago! Now that I’ve read this post, you’ve got yourself a new blog follower
Is it blog-party-kosher to cheer? Cuz I want to cheer at this comment.
Thanks for sharing your journey. Moms and people in general need to slow down and appreciate as much about life as possible.
Happy to have found you via UPB11.
Kanesha recently posted..2011 Ulitmate Blog Party Nope- not an April Fools joke!
You’re so right — we all need to slow down and soak it in. I was always a pack-it-all-in person, but I’m getting so much better about quality time now.
loving your blog…this post brought tears to my eyes…we take things for granted way to often. I am looking forward to reading more and getting the chance to know you through your blog. God Bless you and your family!!
lindsey recently posted..Ultimate Blog Party
Thank you for stopping by, Lindsey. And you know, I still take things for granted, even after all that has happened. It’s a human-nature thing, but we can fight it!
i’m here via UBP11. your blog title caught my eye.
+AMDG+
Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam
For the Greater Glory of God
Amen, and Amen. Thank you for stopping by, Lena!
It is very nice to “meet” you. I am stopping by from the UBP11 hop. I am sorry for your loss. I am thankful that you know Jesus and have HOPE in HIm that you will see your little girl again.
I try to show Christ everyday to my own 3 year old daughter and I do fail. A lot. I ask her forgiveness and pray with her often.
Stop by my blog anytime and say hi this week! I love new visitors.
Long Wait For Isabella
LaVonne recently posted..Partying Like An Oldster
I think those moments when we fail our children, confess it to them, and ask them to forgive us are some of the most important ones for them and for us. They need to know that we are still in process, that together we all need Jesus. And somehow, those moments do more to build our relationship than all the fun and ice cream in the world.
Your first 3 paragraghs describe why I blog. In person, I am awkward and uncomfortable in my own skin. Everything comes out wrong, and I feel as though I am always at risk for offending someone or saying something stupid. On my blog, I am learning how to be me, not the person I was told to be.
I follow you because your faithwalk is inspiring to me on the days that I am sure I can’t stick it out in christianity.
Young Mom recently posted..Quick Takes 32- Strange conversations at our house
I’m so glad to know you, Young Mom. I feel a sisterhood in spite of the distance. So inspiring to see you stretching your wings. trying them out, and finding them more than capable.
We are twinsies for paragraphs 3-5.
Jessica recently posted..Mysterious MK Mountain Man
Hi twin!
I love your blog. I like that you are different. I have also dealt with depression, although I have never had to deal with the grief that you have. I am here from the party! Will be following you!
Bernice
My party post! More about Living a Balanced Life
Bernice, thank you so much. P.S. I love the image of the carefully-balanced rocks you use. It’s perfect!
I read your blog because you were once upon a time my friend. We are so far removed from those days now with distance (in miles), time (in years) and experience (such different experiences!). But I still know who you were and I know who you are, becasue of your blog. Every post you write brings new understanding on things I never deal with or (more often) makes me feel close to you because I do deal with the issues that you write about, because I have felt exactly that way for exactly that reason, or I can just plain empathize. I have to admit that I tried my hand at blogging but only fumbled around before I withdrew to re-evaluate my reasons and my topics. I started out all wrong. Now that I have things to write about, I only have time to read the few blogs I’m faithful to. Plus, you’ve raised the bar so high, that I’d most likely just be writing to myself for a long time. I appreciate every word you write! You write an inspiring blog.
Jenny, I’m so glad you still stop by now and then. I still have fond memories of hot lunches in “town” and visiting you in your many different apartments before I graduated. Some day we’ll get together again, right? I hope?
Oh Em GEE! We are soul sisters. My daughter was a preemie born at 24 weeks, my husband died five years ago on my son’s 7th birthday. I’m an abuse survivor battling PTSD and major depression. I have overwhelming amounts of grief yet to share because after three long years in court and two attempts by my pedophile parents to take my daughter from me, not to mention fighting the school district and county mental health for the education she deserved, I have come through victorious but tattered, torn and worn out emotionally.
We know the Lord around here and He is our solid rock. I can’t wait to dive into your blogs. I’m just getting started on my blogging journey. I’ve been a writer for as long as I can remember and everyone who knows me knows it’s a gift. It’s time for me to tell my story because I need to heal.
God is with both of us and I’ll be sure to keep you and your family in my prayers.
Numbers 6:24-26
Blessings always,
e
Emiliana Martin recently posted..One Fool still in love 20 years later
E, thank you for sharing a teeny snapshot of your story. I am adding you and your daughter to my prayer list each week. You do indeed have overwhelming grief. I’m so thankful you have the Rock to cling to. I hope you do write your story — I’d like to read it.
Stopping by via the party. You have an amazing story and I can’t wait to read more.
Athena recently posted..Anyone Up for a Giveaway
Thank you for visiting, Athena!
I see so much of my story in yours. looking forward to reading through your archives and finding solace in the not-being-alone
of it.
we need each other, don’t we? I prayed for you this morning. You are not alone.
Thank you so much for your honesty. I’m stopping by from the UBP – just saw your tweet about your post here.
I can so relate to what you are saying about the everyday frivolous complaints people have about their children. While I didn’t have a disabled child, nor did I have to bury one, I had a horrible and abusive ex-husband. Would that my only complaint of him was that he left the toilet seat up or he left his underwear on the floor, etc.
Thank you! (And big hugs to you).
Tracy recently posted..Sunburnt Cows Udderly Amazing New Shop Contest! And Giveaway!
Oh Tracy. I’m sorry. So thankful you lived to write and share a much-needed perspective on what’s really important. I pray others find hope and encouragement to survive from you.
I read your blog via email and don’t post comments very often. I admire your courage and strength in sharing your true self, process, and mess, all of it. I love your blog.
I blog to give voice to what I would hide inside and never share … and sometimes I share in more details than others. I read blogs to receive encouragement that I am not the only one.
Katie recently posted..CR video
Found you through the Gratitude community at Ann Voskamp’s and I see you are doing the UBP. I have read through the loss of your precious blessing, Elli(e). I can’t begin to know what that feels like, but my heart aches for you. You probably think that sounds cliche. But it does, I am a mother of 4, too. I couldn’t imagine. You are a strong woman, your faith is inspiring. I am in awe of your words and your writing, very raw and emotional. Thank you for sharing.
God Bless,
Shelley
Hi beautiful!
I call those rehashing my awkward moments “cringe memories.” I have a lot less of them these days. I am comforted by Gen 3 (I think it is) where God saw that “every inclination of man’s heart was only evil all the time.” It brings me comfort because I’m not surprised when I’m weak, stupid, insensitive, unloving, complete loser, etc etc. I’m just loved.
I’m treated for depression too.
Hi. I’m stopping by from UBP – I’m #73 (Being Made New – http://tinahollenbeck.blogspot.com) on the Christian list. Very nice to get to know you a little – so very sorry for your loss – and I hope you might stop by my place this week, too. :^)
Joy, I am so sorry for your loss.
Fondly,
Glenda
Glenda Childers recently posted..It is PARTY TIME 2011 Ultimate Blog Party
Hi Joy! Visiting via UBP11. I really appreciate your honesty in your writing. It drew me in. It definitely is easy to complain especially when the kids are being very difficult but when put in a different perspective, the bigger picture matters so much more. Who cares if the laundry doesn’t get done for a day or two? And as difficult as a few bedtimes might be, I am definitely thankful for both my kids. I have a 3-1/2 yr old, diagnosed with Down syndrome at birth and a “typical” 11 month old. My 3-1/2 yr old gets OT, PT, and ST at his preschool. Extra-curricular activities are also very carefully thought out, making sure there is a real benefit to whatever he does but trying not to compromise “fun”. I’ll be following your blog. Looking forward to reading more.
http://billandria.blogspot.com/2011/04/ultimate-blog-party-with-5-minutes-for.html
Ria recently posted..Monkeys Wrestling on the Bed
Joy, I am visiting from UBP. I felt your emotion in your words. I helped my grandmother heal from my father and uncle’s death (her two sons) over this past year. No one, no parent, imagines having to one day bury their children, but it happens every day. Being aware of that truth humbles me, slows me down, and makes me aware of the sound of my voice when complaining about silly day-to-day challenges in parenting. (sigh) I am now following your blog and look forward to reading more from you (and getting to know you better). When you get a chance, please visit me too at: http://mommyhoodnextright.blogspot.com/2011/04/im-joining-party-ultimate-blog-party.html
Thank you for this post. I loved the part about the difference between trying to get your words out orally and in a written manner. I am so there with you. I still cringe with embarrassment when I think back to various conversations. Sometimes I would give just about anything to be able to bury my head in the ground like an ostrich to help me forget that awkwardness.
And thank you for writing about depression and what caused it. I’m in the middle of another major bout of it, the first really major one since Bible college. And mine too was caused by the death of someone close and the death of some good friendships that failed because we were all grieving so differently and not being very kind to one another in the process. This is one of those seasons where I’d move to a deserted island with my husband and toddler if I found a really good deal on one.
Going to church is painful as a result of this mess of things. I know where I’m at with Jesus, but don’t have a clue what to do about His bride.
I come here because I love your posts and your honesty. It gives me hope. And it makes me wish we could just have coffee and I could hear more from you.
Honored to share this journey with you, though too far away… wishing we could have a good MoMM brainstorming over each of these things.
Your writing is so beautiful and raw, I love it! Thank you for sharing! I know some people who have children with disabilities or other conditions and they hate being told that they are so strong, that they are saints and the question of how do you do it! Now I know being a mother to any child takes strength and you deal with and do the best you can, no matter which cards have been dealt to you! I have four children ages 5 to 1! Nice to meet you!
Carolynn @mylittlebitoflife.com recently posted..Things I’ve Been Meaning to Do! April 2011
Dropped by from the Ultimate Blog Party! I loved your blog immediately and the more I read the more I want to continue. We are in the fight of our lives as my husband fights cancer for the second time and now it is stage IV pancreatic. I couldn’t begin to tell you what gifts I have felt amongst the pain of the journey. I will be back! Drop over if you get a chance.
Blessings,
Paige
I am still Blog Hopping from the Ultimate Blog Party for 2011 and hope that one of my blogs interests you too! I also do a weekend hop open Thursday 10pm-Sunday 11:59 PM EST please come link up your blog, FB and Twitter!
http://tawnasplan.com weekend hop here!
http://btrbb.com
http://tawnassecret.com
Have a great day!
Tawna
I did the blog hop party and did not come across your blog until today via the Gypsy Mama. Anyways, this post was awe-some. Seriously. Keeping it real is CRUCIAL and many things that you said resonated with me. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I look forward to reading more!
Cheryl @ finding the beauty recently posted..WYPW On Thursday
I was RELIEVED to find your blog, Joy. I thought, “Finally – someone who is not afraid to be real and talk about pain! Someone who does not have to look like she has all the answers.” (None of us have them, anyways!) I have been deeply touched by your writings.
I have just started to be more honest over the past five years. I’ve tiptoed up to a few friends and ventured to share some writings on Facebook…I too have lost a daughter, but she still lives in a shell of the person she once was. Plagued by severe mental illness, eating disorder, addiction, and more, her wasted mind is in a confused fog most of the time. Our contact with her is intermittent – punctuated by the frantic, screaming calls in the middle of the night, the insistences that she is dying, followed by silence and no contact. The frequent wonderings: “Is she alive?” are followed by the nonchallant voice on the other end of the line, “Hi Mom, how are you?” She remains elusive, some 1200+ miles away. I have not kissed her cheek for 2 years and 7 months since she last angrily flew out of my life.
I hope I will someday have the courage to blog about the turbulence – and beauty – of our family’s journey. Thank you, Joy, for leading the way.
Warmly,
Tammy
Thank you so much for sharing. I just want to hug you! I can say I related to many of the things you mentioned. Bless you for “talking out loud!”