It’s been three years since we gave Elli a hug and a kiss and tucked her into bed.
Three years since we heard her laugh and cry.
Three years since I stroked her hair and held her tight as she coughed through a cold.
Three years since I checked on her in the middle of the night, begged her to go back to sleep or at least be quiet, and turned on her favorite CD to play in the dark.
This year I decided that I would not relive every moment of the day she died. Instead, I’m trying to be present now, love well now, throw all of me into these moments instead of wasting this time thinking too far ahead (in worry or a futile attempt to control things) or too far behind (in regret or denial of reality). God has given me today, this moment, and tells me to embrace it and live it as hard as I can.
This is the day I have, these are the people to love, this is the work to do.
I’m also reminding myself that each day isn’t one day farther from her. Instead, each day brings me one day closer to seeing Jesus and being reunited with her.
This is life: unmasked, a weekly link-up in which we strip away pretense and share the real, nitty-gritty of life and how we’ve found hope and God even in the mess. Share your own story, photo, or video on your blog, and then link to that specific post in the linky-tool below. Then visit at least one other person and leave a word of encouragement for them in their unmasked moment.
I am linking to the post my husband wrote on the second anniversary of Elli’s death, and to one I wrote on her birthday this year.
Linked at Walk With Him Wednesday
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This? Is beautiful.
Thank you for sharing Elli with us. I can’t wait to meet her with you.
Alise recently posted..Guest Post at JesusNeedsNewPR.net
Amen. Amen. And amen.
Sarah@EmergingMummy recently posted..In which I [just write to] unstick the stuck
Living in this moment to love those who need it–yes! And it doesn’t take away from the love you have toward Ellie, something my heart will know myself.
Kamille @ Redeeming the Table recently posted..My Eyes Lift To the Hills
praying for you today.
suzannah {so much shouting, so much laughter} recently posted..but you go on
Today must, in many ways, be so incredibly hard! Thank you for sharing with us … and for reminding us that even in pain … there is hope!
Beth Zimmerman recently posted..Hodge Podgin’
Praying for you friend.
Amy Nabors recently posted..Voting for a Mormon
joy, you know that i can not even begin to relate to the grieving process that you & scott have had to walk through, but it sure seems like making that decision to NOT relive every moment is nothing short of a God thing. b/c i don’t know how anyone could pull that off w/o Him.
i def. struggle w/ embracing the moment at hand, “throwing all of me into these moments,” as you so strikingly put it. and that’s w/in a context far, far less painful than yours. so my unmasked comment? i stink at being a glass half full girl! a while ago, i heard this fabulous saying: “it’s not about waiting for the rain to pass; it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” yes! that’s precicely who i want to be! however . . . having that concept drip from my brain to my daily reality often seems so incredibly unnatural. but i guess that’s the beauty of the opportunity at hand for me — to ask for the supernatural.
thanks for challenging me by your example, friend. and i can’t wait to meet your amazing ellie — no matter how long i have to wait in line behind countless others.
tanya@truthinweakness recently posted..i am the older brother
i’m sorry — i just noticed that i spelled elli’s name wrong.
can’t wait to meet elli !!
tanya@truthinweakness recently posted..i am the older brother
wow. what courage. i really love what you say about staying, focusing, living in the present. i can’t imagine how tough that must be, but please know, your courage is tremendous.
I love your perspective – one day closer to being with Elli and Jesus.
Lady Jennie recently posted..Things We’ve Been Doing