Since this is life:unmasked day, I will be honest. I struggled to write this post. It’s been a rough week in a lot of ways. But I forced myself to step back and look a little wider, and there it was — gratitude, even in the threadbare places.
Last week I displayed a lack of judgment I didn’t think could co-exist with the stubbornly-multiplying strands of white in my hair. Times like this I wonder if I’m ever going to grow up. But my husband and I worked it out quicker and cleaner than we would have earlier in our marriage. It showed me the fruit of all our work this year, tilling and fertilizing and weeding and digging our roots ever deeper. Hmmmm…. this sounds like my word for 2011 — cultivate. It has hurt like h*ll at times, but the new growth and depth and trust in our relationship is oh so worth all the pain required to get here.
I let the laundry get so out of control it has taken two days of non-stop washing, drying, folding, and putting away to get all the clothes clean. And I still have piles of towels and sheets to do. Again with the growing-up thing! But we have clothes… enough that I can get away with not doing laundry for awhile. I have machines that do the washing, and clean water to use in those machines instead of swishing them around in a dirty stream outside. And it’s all in my home.
We missed every school bus yesterday. I had to drive three kids to three different schools fifteen minutes apart that all start at the same time. But we have a car so the kids didn’t miss school altogether.
I dropped my phone into a puddle. But it dried out in rice. And having a smartphone is quite a first-world luxury, even though I did feel utterly alone without it. The internet and telephone connect me to friends who understand grief and loss, doubt and depression, and that feeling of not fitting in. These friends are one of the best gifts I’ve received this year.
I dissolved into tears in a preschool Thanksgiving chapel service. Making myself stay gave me a new happier memory for such a sad place. I realize that this year my memories of Elli ache but the pain doesn’t always knock me to the ground the way it used to. I found a medication and vitamin regiment that has enabled me to feel normal for the first time in years. This fall didn’t open up into a yawning pit of depression like the last two did.
Amazing how sitting down and writing a bit can tease out gratitude even from the thin places.
Where have you found God in the threadbare places this Thanksgiving?
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If you’re writing a thanksgiving post, be sure to link up with World Vision and the Faith Barista too.
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Joy, your authenticity is gonna start making me cry, lol. This whole month I’ve been annoyed…ok, pissed…that I live where I live and can’t move because I’m “broke.” Annoyed because I live 30 minutes away from work, without traffic, and pissed because my church isn’t much closer. Yet the whole time I’ve been forgetting how lucky I am to have a place to stay for what I’m wanting to pay in rent, that I have a job when most people don’t, and that I have such an amazing church family.
And, I’d want to blame it out our society laced which consumerism, but it’s not that. It’s just me being broken, fallen, and in desperate need of a Savior, even as a Christian.
Ok, now that I know I’m a horrible person again, I’m gonna go spend time with Jesus…lol
Don Sartain recently posted..Finally, something good comes from country music…
God is amazing in His generosity.
mich pendergrass recently posted..My Jesus Dream
My pastor said a few weeks ago that we say our lives are crazy, but really most of the crazy is in between our ears. That really connected with me. I make things a lot worse than they need to be by trying to cram my days into some kind of preconception. That’s the opposite of faith that asks the Lord what he would like me to do, listens for his answer, and waits for his strength.
ed cyzewski recently posted..A Prayer to My Computer
good morning my sweet friend
so confession, last night i was feeling so sad (really, so sad) that i don’t have any good local friends. i keep praying for a BFF but don’t feel like that prayer has been answered just yet. it’s hard for me to not feel bad for myself but i have to remind myself that God is taking care of me, even if it’s in this way that doesn’t make sense. i so appreciate you and your friendship. i know i have many friends that live all over the country — new friends like you even that are so amazing and good for my heart
some times it’s hard though that they don’t live nearby. i need to find a better way at being at peace with this…
cuz it’s hard.
but. maybe it’s time to grow up ~ like you wrote above ~ and find a way to feel thankful anyway.
X to the O.
gus
Gussy Sews recently posted..{thank you, Pregnancy & Newborn and Handmade Sewing magazines! + a few Press tips}
All the blessings there in the midst of the hardship … it reminds me why life is worth living at all when situations get tough and hearts hurt and we grieve. So glad for your blessings, Joy. So glad He keeps giving them.
Hyacynth recently posted..Living Healthfully: Eating a Gluten-and-Dairy-Free Diet
You have no idea what your posts, so full of “real”, mean to so many of us. I’m dealing with my own thin places and am learning alongside you to find the joy in them. I hit one thousand gifts this week- a big thing for me in a dark time.
Christine recently posted..Why it matters
I really amaze that your a generous….All of you looks happy in the photo..Hope you enjoy your bonding with freinds..Thanks for sharing..
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I cannot begin to put into words how much I loved this post. There has been such sweet growth in you and it is so evident in this writing! Thank you, Joy. And have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Glad your phone is dry and you can connect with this circle of life-giving, life-sharing friends. You are a wonder – overflowing laundry baskets and all. :>)
Diana Trautwein recently posted..SUNDAY!
Gosh! I feel so guilty while reading your post. I’ve been trying to pissed a friend. But actually i’m just tripping. I should not done that. I have to call him tonight. He’s a great true friend, and be treated the way I treated him.
kim recently posted..My Arowana Is Not Eating No Matter What I Do !!!
I really admire the way you look at things in life… You are so positive and thankful for everything… You manage to see the bright sides… Please keep it up. Thank you for sharing…
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Blog hops are RAD. I’ve never seen one before. YAY! Can’t wait to peruse your stuff.
Joy:
I just got home from a grueling 17 hour drive overnight from California.
We were in California for yet another funeral. There is a lot of death in my husband’s family these past few years, and it has been rough.
While we were gone, the sewer line leaked into our basement, soaking the carpet and pad.
I am still untangling questions about my blog.
And yet….
We traveled safely.
We celebrated Thanksgiving with family we rarely get to see.
The color of the leaves was incredible in California.
The sunrise this morning was un.be.liev.able. As well as the sunset when we drove out last week.
I ‘met’ you this past week.
I took a nap today, and I have a warm home. The carpet in the basement will be dealt with tomorrow, and my husband is managing that whole mess.
A lot to be thankful for.
Thank you for the blog hop.
Great post.. Happy thanksgiving to you and all user.. I hope today is lucky day…
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