The girls chant “Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber” while the boys writhe and moan and cover their ears, loving to hate the current teen idol. My son memorizes songs by Taio Cruz , while my daughter Googles and prints photos of Taylor Swift and replays that one song about Romeo and Juliet every day, singing the chorus at the top of her lungs. The neighbor girls giggle as they proclaim their intention to marry so-and-so.
I smile to myself as I listen to them, but I can’t let it be. I sprinkle little comments into their conversations now and then.
“Just because you like a person’s music doesn’t mean they would make a good spouse.”
“Talent isn’t the same as good character.”
“Knowing information isn’t the same as knowing a person.”
That last one echoes in my head for days after I speak the words.
Have I not spent decades memorizing verses, studying definitions, and diagramming sentences about my God? I’ve soaked in as much information as I could find. I’ve tried to learn, understand, and apply that understanding. Yet have I not realized that in spite of all the knowledge, I do not know the Person?
I’ve got it all wrong, I think. When I meet people, I do not memorize facts about them, study theory about them, and try to apply that information in my life. How sterile and scientific! No, I spend time with them, listen, laugh, confide. I’ve done very little of that with God.
It’s no wonder I struggle to love God. I know about God the same way I know about Shakespeare or the president. But I don’t actually know Him. Until I know God, I cannot love God. Not really. I can admire, respect, fear, and obey, but I cannot love. Without love, I cannot trust.
On a walk yesterday, I looked for my word for this new year. I turned many words over in my hands like sea shells, considering and discarding. Except love. I kept coming back to love – love of God, love for people — all people, not just the ones who make me feel good and/or agree with me. I need to grow in this.
Then this song began playing on my iPod, Poison and Wine by The Civil Wars. It nails how I feel about God right now. (For those of you who dislike alcohol, replace “wine” with your favorite beverage. It will be less poetic — “diet Coke” or “sweet tea” just doesn’t fit as well — but you’ll get the idea.) And it solidified my word for the year — love.
You only know what I want you to
I know everything you don’t want me to
Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine
Oh you think your dreams are the same as mine
Oh I don’t love you but I always will
Oh I don’t love you but I always will
Oh I don’t love you but I always will
I always will
I wish you’d hold me when I turn my back
The less I give the more I get back
Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise
I don’t have a choice but I still choose you
Oh I don’t love you but I always will
Oh I don’t love you but I always will
Oh I don’t love you but I always will
I always will
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ℒℴvℯ would have been too obvious for me – a whole blog about it and all – but I heart it for you. I’ve said so often that the love of a mama toward her babies most closely reflects the love of God. I have prayed for your year of love. Last year’s year – named “connect” certainly didn’t go the way I thought it would – but it was all important for me to learn. I hope your year of love unfolds great mysteries. You deserve it Joy. God bless you.
Craig recently posted..Love winds its way through injury
Love.
Jessica recently posted..Our Purposeful Word for 2012
Very honest, Joy. I have been at a similar crossroads in my life and I’m excited for you, to be honest. There is much to come. (Just an aside but have you got the Jesus Calling devotional? It helps.)
Sarah@EmergingMummy recently posted..In which I choose One Word for 2012 :: Fearless
This gave me chills! This Civil Wars song was one of my favorites in 2011 so I look forward to what you’ll share this year about your word.
One of my favorite songs. Your thoughts here are so true. Looking forward to reading about your journey with this word.
Amy Nabors recently posted..Photo Friday: Oldness
There is no greater word than this. LOVE.
I think you’ve chosen well.
(And yes, that song is intoxicating and lovely. Thank you for adding a new dimension to it for me.)
Here’s to a new year and new grace!
Amanda Williams recently posted..one word.
love that song. i think i listened to it a hundred times in a row when i first heard it.
and you’re so right: knowing the information isn’t the same as knowing the person. many blessings as you stride into the new year with love.
rain recently posted..one word 365 :: unafraid
Maybe you can guess how much I love this post? SO TRUE. And you are gaining wisdom by the bucketload, Joy. Yes, you are. Now don’t argue. This is the journey we’re all on – and it’s two steps forward and one step back for all our days. But the most important part of it is recognizing that we need to move from knowing about to knowing of. Not that we can even scratch the surface of who God is, but it’s the ‘who-ness’ more than the ‘what-ness’ that we need, isn’t it? LOVE to you in your year of love.
Diana Trautwein recently posted..One Word: Waiting
Great word for the year! And ohhhh how I’ve been playing that song on repeat and been thinking that it so exemplifies my relationship with God often.
Katy recently posted..Welcome
my brother in law once said that love is the only thing that remains because it’s all that we’ll need when we’re in God’s presence when faith and hope are fully realized. Having been so crammed full of theology, it’s taken me a while to allow myself to start to believe that. For all that I’ve tried to make God into, I’m becoming more and more convinced that he reveals himself as love. The few times that I’ve really experienced the presence of God, love always came through. May we all experience the delight of God’s presence this year and come back here in 2013 with stories of his love.
ed cyzewski recently posted..Can One Word Make a Difference? A Journey into Redemption and Freedom
Beautiful word. Beautiful Heart. Beautiful Honesty.
our society urges us to hijack people & relationships for info. & status updates, so i’ll tell you what you already know — that you are far from alone on this one, joy. and it makes sense that we’d gravitate toward “info. about” over “intimacy with” b/c intimacy is a risk. a scary one. even with a tender, compassionate Father.
just last night, i came across this quote from beth moore that seemed to put it so well, & echoes what you’ve shared here:
“the giant step in the walk of faith is the one we take when we decide God no longer is a part of our lives.
He IS our life.”
(and to piggy-back on sarah’s comment, jesus calling has been at the top of my “must read” list for several months. and while i haven’t gotten my hands on it yet, the tidbits that i receive on FB have been incredibly helpful insights on God’s nature, & that i truly can trust Him.)
tanya@truthinweakness recently posted..the relief in failure
Wow…thankyou for this post! It is something I’ve been thinking about a lot…knowing about God compared to actually ‘knowing’ Him.