If we meet some day and you ask my advice about starting a blog, I would tell you not to be a faith blogger.
I didn’t start out as one. I was a mommy-blogger, writing the every-day family stories that punctuated our frequent medical emergencies. I do this very rarely now that my kids are older because their stories are theirs. I have chosen to write my stories instead.
I write out my dilemmas, confusion, thinking, and the re-evaluating I’m doing about life, death, faith, and love. Putting this into words, sentences, and paragraphs helps me put some sort of order to it. It’s one of the best ways I have to process what I’m learning, experiencing, and thinking.
The problem is that my stories are complicated, often contradictory, nearly always uncomfortable. (Just like me.) They get me into trouble in ways my children’s stories never did.
I’ve been writing about faith for at least four years, and the trouble I’ve gotten myself into stems from making these four false assumptions.
- No-one reads what I write. I thought this was a quiet overlooked little corner of the internet where I could putter around with words and ideas mostly unnoticed. That may have been true at first, but it turns out that quite a number of you stop by and read.
f - What I write (or think) doesn’t matter to you. You aren’t merely spectators watching a sunset or a performance by someone you don’t know. Many of you are personal friends or family. You’ve got a horse in the race. You’re invested in me. I need to take that seriously and remember that I’m invested in you, too.
f - No-one in authority cares about what I write — it’s a free country after all. I do live in a country that protects our freedom of thought and expression. But that doesn’t change the reality that our words do carry weight and we don’t operate in a vacuum. Our words and actions affect others, so with the freedom of thought and expression comes responsibility to exercise that freedom carefully. I knew that, sort of, but I’ll be honest — many times I didn’t care.
f
But those in authority care. Their role in part is to protect and preserve the group they lead, whether it’s a company, school, church, town, non-profit, or whatever. If I state a position in public that criticizes, contradicts, or refutes them, that’s serious business. I ought not do so flippantly, and I ought to consider first whether there are other ways to get my point across. I get this, and I recognize that too often I’ve thought only about myself and those like me, at the expense of others who are different.
f
However, there’s another piece to this that I still do not understand. I am still trying to grasp how and why leaders are uneasy with diversity of opinion. I cannot understand this or what they are afraid of. I welcome diversity of thought and believe that wisdom seeks out those who see and think differently. To me, wisdom recognizes that each of us has blind spots and weaknesses, and compensates by bringing in people who see where we are blind and are strong where we are weak. Doing so enables me to consider both the strengths AND the weaknesses of a given approach/decision/position.
f
But I’m in the minority on this one. I’m just one voice, and my voice very often is the dissenting one in a climate in which dissent is unwelcome. I have to be honest — I haven’t figured out how to navigate this. What I do know is that if I didn’t write about faith (which has a direct bearing on the way people live and think), this would be much less of an issue. I know that I’m tired and that living in community is important and that being the oddball makes living in community difficult. I also know that the people in my life who care also care enough to help me work this out, and I’m thankful for that.
f - Wielding words well is easy. Writing comes naturally to me. It is my art, and I’ve worked to master it since grade school. I thought communicating ideas was a simple matter of putting words together correctly. I was wrong. Misunderstanding one another seems to be a constant theme with every effort to express something. Words have power to divide or unite, to motivate or discourage, to grieve or to thrill. I labor over words carefully, but it never ceases to amaze me at how often you understand a word differently than I do.
I knew none of this when I started writing about my faith journey. I know it now, though I don’t necessarily have it all figured out. For now, I would like to make a few statements about this little piece of internet real estate.
The stories, the ideas, and the questions shared here are my own, and they reflect where I am at a specific moment in time (hence “in this journey”). They only reflect me today, not yesterday or tomorrow. Also, my words do not necessarily reflect the ideas or opinions of anyone connected to me in any way.
We are all constantly changing, learning, growing, making mistakes, picking up pieces, and evaluating. We all do this; we just don’t all choose to talk about it.
I chose to write my story here, in public, for anyone to read and critique, believing that God gave me a knack for words and a story to tell for a reason — to tell it. I’ve made myself vulnerable, and the criticism that has followed has hurt deeply. Despite that, I would not change anything. I’ve learned and grown, both as a person and as a writer, and will continue to do so. I ask for your patience along the way.
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This post seriously resonates with me.
I think when people in authority get upset about blogs, it’s based on two faulty assumptions:
1) They think they have the responsibility to be the thought police over adults.
2) All questions are bad.
I’ve heard this debate going on about whether college causes faith to be destroyed. I don’t think it’s college. I think it’s kids who grow up not being able to ask or hear questions getting into an environment where someone says to them for the first time “hey, did you know that the earth is actually round?”
http://www.experiencelumen.com/?page_id=473
I agree that there is great room for diversity of opinion on a huge range of things. I also strongly believe that we need people who will challenge the norm and make people uncomfortable with their assumptions, otherwise we end up with a dictatorship in whatever form that is. I also agree with KatR that it is when kids cannot challenge the assumptions they grew up with and therefore make their faith their own that they leave the church.
Keep going Joy, keep searching and researching and I hope you enjoy the journey again, even if you feel tired now. May the pastures be green that you get to lie down in.
Joanna recently posted..Is it or isn’t it?
With that kind of weird synchronicity that sometimes happens, author Pam Slim (author of “Cubicle Nation”) has a mirror post to yours today, and offers some good advice on community and handling hurtful comments: http://www.escapefromcubiclenation.com/2012/03/04/4-steps-to-maintaining-your-cool-when-faced-with-stinging-criticism/
“so with the freedom of thought and expression comes responsibility to exercise that freedom carefully. I knew that, sort of, but I’ll be honest — many times I didn’t care.” interesting timing on this one, joy, b/c just last night i was processing an area of freedom. not freedom in writing, but freedom in friendships, with very similar dilemmas & questions (& the not caring part, too).
and i was asking God if i needed to reign my freedom in a bit — not everythere (in resignation), but in certain circumstances like paul did (1 cor. 9:19-23) “for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.” there are particular freedoms that i hold very dearly in relationships, but i think God is nudging me that there will be times when He wants me to unselfishly set aside that beloved freedom — for the sake of loving others in gospel grace. b/c like you said, ” our words and actions affect others” . . . they sure do, & i need to blanket my words & actions in unselfish grace.
thx, as always, for sharing your journey.
tanya@truthinweakness recently posted..Making Room {for Healing}
The part about how it’s what you feel or think RIGHT NOW? That is totally me. I look back on stuff I wrote a few years ago and positively CRINGE. It’s hard to fight the urge to tear it all down, isn’t it? This just sings to me, Joy.
Sarah@EmergingMummy recently posted..In which even my blood slows down to pay attention
I am laughing because I have the opposite dilemma: I read stuff I wrote 4 years ago and I think “where is that smart, sexy Christian mama now?” Seriously, she’s disappeared. I seriously think I am deconstructing as the years pass. Maybe, in the end, I’ll find out that’s the “less of me, more of Him” part?? if I’m lucky…
Genevieve @ Turquoise Gates recently posted..Saturday Evening Blog Hop
I like you – contrary nature and all.
I do think it’s important to watch what we say or write, lessons learned from “taming the tongue.” Since you have such a strong voice, it must be used wisely.
(But I think for you, it’s a lesson learned).
Hugs!
Lady Jennie recently posted..Endives in Béchamel
Very much appreciate your thoughts on the “dissenting voice.” I, too, find myself in that position, but have mellowed out quite a bit in the last year or so, which has helped me to really discern those things I’m passionate about enough to speak out against, and those that don’t matter as much. To me, anyway. There is always a tension here.
I enjoy reading your blog and was wondering if you would do a plug for me…I’m currently a finalist in a contest to win a skydiving package, which is on my bucketlist but would also be a (to be cliched) dream come true for me. I’ll be more than happy to plug your blog on my own blog, and across my social media outlets.
To vote, click here:http://www.bucketlistpublications.com/portfolio-view/christie/
Then like the blog, leave a comment, fb like, tweet, etc. EACH ONE counts as a vote.
Thanks for the consideration!
christie
Christie McNabb recently posted..put bacon on/over/around/in it.
I value your perspective in so many ways on this topic. I’ve never been accused of being short on opinions, so learning how to wield them gently and well has been (and is) a learning curve – in life, not just blogging. The problem with being ‘new’ at blogging is that (1) most of what I say is still largely unnoticed (frustratingly so at times, I confess) and (2) I count on people to respond and offer their dissenting voices to push me and poke holes in my though process (wrestling out my faith) – without readers’ feedback, I don’t get that. But, you’ve given me reason to press on and to do so with care. Here’s the path God takes us on – and that it’s a process not a moment. Thanks!
Kirsten Holmberg recently posted..Justice for All
Well said, Joy. And the one about authority? Hey – ALL authority needs to be questioned from time to time. It can be done wisely, even kindly, but it needs to be done. So if you’re getting pushback that you’re somehow ‘out of line’ for raising questions? KEEP PUSHING BACK. Do it thoughtfully and not reactively, but do it. True authority welcomes questions, acknowledges that questions are part of the package, and humbly says, “I don’t have all the answers you’re looking for.” Because no one does – not on this planet, at least. I salute your skill, your heart, your search. And I’m pretty sure the Lord is blessing this ministry of yours out here, girl. Yes, I’m pretty dang sure of that.
(And just to remind you that you are constantly on the look-out, always seeking to correct the course when you need to – I remember that you did a really thoughtful post that was an apology for being too strident when you got back from your Compassion trip. That was such a gracious thing to do! And you’ll undoubtedly have other posts that will need correction/amendment at times. The test comes in your continuing willingness and ability to self-examine and to realize when you need to make amends. As long as you keep looking at your own self as well as the ideas/opinions of others, you will maintain the honesty of this place. And that is a gift to all of us.)
I’ve read you as long as I’ve been blogging – the family misadventures – the family trials – the trials of your faith – the times you’ve run into those leaders. In their defense I’ll say one thing, the early church was prone to errors in teaching, and nearly church was VERY active in keeping doctrine from getting twisted. They jumped on heresies as quickly as possible. Sometimes leaders of churches and things feel like they’re in that early church role still – and if they see something they consider “dangerous” it kind of is their job to point it out. The problem is it’s not always done with love – love is the thing – love marks us as Christian – we are to talk the truth “in love” – major in the majors – and minor in the minors of the faith. I’ve been through seminary, I know my doctrine, I’ve been through more doubts than I can count, my faith still floats, I heart your journey Joy – I heart what you write – and I’ll keep coming back for more. God bless and keep you and yours!
Joy,
I too find myself occasionally surprised about the impact that my super tiny blog can have on those I know. That can be at the same time encouraging and disconcerting! This internet thing is still relatively new, and changing the way people interact…
Anyway, all that to say that I resonate with your words. I am frequently touched by your blog; thanks for being honest.
I agree…I find that when I write about being a parent or my kids, the words come easy. But when writing about following Jesus, I’m very aware that a wrong word choice or sarcastic (but funny) comment might detract from what I’m saying or communicate something I don’t intend to.
I’m glad you blog. I have not always agreed with you, but, hey, my wife has not always agreed with me. You tackle some good issues, and open the door for dialogue (even if some don’t want dialogue). So dissenting voice, you are welcome to express it.
I have learned in blogging that humility is harder to communicate when writing than when in face-face dialogue. I tell myself I am humble, but when I read it through others’ eyes, I discover that sometimes my humility was just confidence, arrogance, etc. masquerading as humility. Ouch, that hurts.
I have also tried to address issues not people. With people I become defensive—very easily, and that is not good for me, but especially for the other person(s).
… just an old codger who is still learning, about Jesus, faith, life, and myself
Thanks, Joy. Always look forward to what you write.
Rich recently posted..Liturgical Spirituality
You said ” I cannot understand this or what they are afraid of.” My guess is the overwhelming example of leadership we are taught, whether it be business, church or otherwise, is one that must have all the ducks in a row. it seems to be a lot less “we” and a little more “us and them.” Just a guess.
Good post. We all live and hopefully learn.
Ken Hagerman(The Barba) recently posted..Questionable God:5 ?’s I’m Saving
One reason I follow your blog is because you so often say what I am thinking and am too afraid {for a myriad of reasons, including fear of dissent} to say. Keep writing from your heart, please!
Melissa recently posted..The Joy of Family
Hrm. Tried to post this as a response to one of the other posts, but it didn’t catch. So, thoughts on why people are leaving the church: http://www.experiencelumen.com/?page_id=473
People within the Baptist (and perhaps Protestant mileu) are taught that they have to have the answers. As my pastor, Tim, was saying last night, Seminary doesn’t teach you to run a church. It teaches you how to argue with other denominations so that they know that you’re correct. And how to tell atheists that they’re going to hell unless they come into line with your ontological discourse.
But things like compromise, management, people skills, discipline? Not really covered.
They know how to be right, but not how to deal with dissent. And when a lot of their teaching says (especially in the New Testament, depending on how they take it) “People who question this are in league with false teachers, or are false teachers” then they want to protect you from becoming an apostate, or, if you re bent on becoming one, identifying you and exorcising you from the church for the good of the body.
It can be difficult to get past this. A lot of churches don’t. A lot of people just move on to somewhere else, or quit going.
As the video says above…is your church showing you a real, cataclysmic, passionate Christ, or just ideas to agree with about Him? So long as it’s the latter, there’s no real room for questions, is there?
Todd Erickson recently posted..Thoughts on Introversion and Church
Writing is a journey in self-awareness even as we take others on that journey with us. I write because I need it, because God seems to use it in my small corner of the universe. Thank you for conveying the complexities of the journey. Enjoyed it!
“They only reflect me today, not yesterday or tomorrow. ”
I like that you included this in your statement. Life, learning, opinions, experience – they’re all part of a journey. If someone digs deeply into my blog’s archives, I hope that they would find that the Jan of 2005 has changed, evolved, grown. And I hope that what I write today with grow into something deeper, wiser, more mature in the days to come.
Vulnerability is scary. I’m so glad you have the courage to keep recording and sharing your faith and life stories with us.
Jan recently posted..But It’s a Fact!