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Three Years Ago, A Lot of Things Changed… But Not Everything

9:42 am By

The following is copied and pasted directly from my (Scott’s) notes from Elli’s Memorial Service. I opened it up this morning and found it to be a great comfort to me as I remember her homegoing 3 years ago today.

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When Elli died, a lot changed. But not everything did. In many ways, we do feel like we lost everything when we lost our precious Elli. But through losing her, we have come to know more of Christ and His eternal promises. His promises are unchanging and they will never be revoked. Here are only ten, out of dozens in the scriptures, that have brought the greatest comfort to me personally:

  1. All things work together for good for those who love God. (Romans 8:28)
  2. God will never leave you or forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:8)
  3. The sufferings of this life are not worthy of comparison to the splendor of heaven. (Romans 8:18)
  4. God never gives you a trial you cannot bear, but always gives us what we need to endure it by responding in believing obedience. (1 Corinthians 10:13)
  5. The “God of all comfort” will comfort you so you can comfort others down the road. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
  6. If you bring your anxiety to God, His peace will still your heart and mind. (Philippians 4:6-7)
  7. Having God’s salvation in a time of profound loss is better than not having God’s salvation in a time of happiness. (Habakkuk 3:17-19)
  8. The testing of your faith produces patience and perseverance to the end. (James 1:2-4)
  9. If you are a Christian, it is a foregone conclusion that you will suffer with Christ in order that you may be glorified with Him. (Romans 8:17)
  10. Jesus understands your sorrows and sympathizes with your weaknesses. He was called the “man of sorrows” and was acquainted with grief. He freely gives grace and mercy to help you in your time of need. (Isaiah 53:3, Hebrews 4:15-16)

Through the ups and the downs, the terrifying moments and the serene, the frustrations and the laughs, Elli was an ever-present reminder that God makes no mistakes, and His promises are true.

~Scott

Linked at Walk With Him Wednesday

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Filed UnderElli, Faith and Doubt, Grief 9 Comments

Trick or Treat? How Christians Should Celebrate Halloween

9:58 am By

pumpkin closeup

What are your plans for trick-or-treat (or Beggars’ Night, or whatever your community calls it) this year? Will you lock the door, turn off the porch light and hide out in the basement? Will you go shopping, or out to eat? Or will you embrace the reality that dozens of little lost souls may be parading up to your front door with their hands out, asking you to give them something… anything?

For the first few years of our marriage, we were the former. To us, participating in any Halloween activity was an endorsement of the demonic. It meant we were OK with the ghosts and witches, fake human cadavers, and the blood-soaked mock murder scenes up and down our street and plastered over every store. To us, Halloween had gone way too far, and we were not about to participate.

In hindsight, we believe that was not a Christlike response.

We have begun to see that the Bible calls us to have a much different attitude toward society.

Instead of burying our heads in the sand and plugging our ears, we are to be the salt of the earth (Matthew 5:13).

Instead of turning our backs on what’s going on in society, we are to shine as lights in the world (Philippians 2:15).

Salt cannot have a seasoning effect if it is left in the cupboard. It must come in contact with blandness before its saltiness can be realized.

Then there are all the biblical commands to show hospitality (Romans 12:13; 1 Timothy 3:2; Titus 1:8; 1 Peter 4:9).

By holing up in our house, we were sending an unspoken message “not welcome” to our closest neighbors, many of whom we had never met — and many of whom probably didn’t know Christ.

We often think of hospitality as entertaining friends in our home for a meal. But the true definition of hospitality differs on three levels.

First, hospitality doesn’t necessarily involve an invitation.

Secondly, hospitality is extended to strangers, not friends.

And thirdly, hospitality isn’t limited to your home.

If you want to get really technical, hospitality is making an uninvited stranger feel welcome in the space where God has placed you, no matter where that is. It can mean welcoming a stranger into your office at work. It can mean extending a warm greeting to a new face at church. It can mean putting your briefcase in your lap on the bus so someone can sit next to you. There are hundreds of other examples.

Halloween is a magnificent opportunity to show the love of Christ to strangers, which moves us much closer to the true definition of hospitality. Sure, these passing strangers are dressed funny and are lugging candy-filled pillow cases. But consider that no other 2-hour window during the year affords us such an obvious opportunity to reflect the glory of Christ to our community.

Each year has been a little different. Sometimes we hand out candy, some years we have also included an invitation card to our church, lately very few kids come to our house but we go door-to-door with our kids and get to know more of our neighbors. We practice manners, saying “please” and “thank you,” and we try to build on relationships. It is subtle. Our job is to love without condition. God will grant the fruit in His providence.

It was only a few years ago that God helped us to see that as believers, we had something of infinite value to offer to the witches, goblins, super heroes and scarecrows — and their parents — who graced our front door every year. We realized that removing ourselves from trick-or-treat was a terrible mistake. We were wasting an opportunity to simply show the love of Christ, drop an invitation to church into their pillow case — and who knows, maybe even start a conversation that leads to sharing the Gospel.

So this year, will you consider how you can extend hospitality through the opportunity of Halloween? If children go door-to-door in  your neighborhood, don’t retreat to the back bedroom or the basement. Host your neighbors for pizza and games. Invite those around you in. Do everything you can to make your house an outpost of heaven — and your life a salty seasoning to your lost neighbors who need Christ. You won’t have this easy an opportunity until next year.

Filed UnderFaith and Doubt, Family 17 Comments

Men Are From Mars, Women are from WordPress

7:34 am By

[My Husband’s Perspective on Living Life
with a Wife on the Web]

Joy and I had just put the kiddos to bed. We plopped down on the couch, exhausted, with a bowl of fresh long-stemmed cherries between us. It was a tranquil, typical—and yes, perhaps somewhat sad scene: our dueling MacBook Pros whirring away on our respective laps, their illuminated Apple logos giving a soft, romantic glow to the dimly-lit family room.

I spit my cherry seed into the bowl with a tinny “Pa-ting.” Then I turned to her and, ignoring her unmistakable look of literary intensity, asked, “Want me to guest-write a post for your blog?”

“Sure,” she said halfheartedly after about a 5-second delay, and without looking up.

“Name your topic!” I said with a smug, unflappable air of confidence.

Another delay. Then, squinting into her screen, “Uh, nothing’s coming to mind.”

“Hmm,” I said. “How ‘bout a personal post about being a blogger’s husband?!”

The rest, dear readers, is history.

I am writing this cold. I have not scoured the internet to see if the “mommy blogger” movement (which my wife is adamantly NOT) has spawned a subculture, or support group, of husbands whose lives are much like mine. For me, anyway, it goes sort of like this:

Picture coming home from work to a family room that looks like a category 4 toy storm just ripped through. Crocs, cups, bowls, books, pets, pencils and remotes round out the ruins. And smack dab in the middle of it all: my Bride, a stunningly beautiful brunette on a fire engine red laptop, her fingernails click-click-clicking on the keyboard like an over-zealous conductor punching tickets on a passenger train.

big red laptop

Now don’t be misled by the mayhem. Joy is uber industrious. She taught Steven Covey everything he knows. Not a night goes by that she doesn’t prepare mouth-watering dinners that are fit for royalty. She works hard. She budgets her time. She plans our meals a month out. No grass grows under her feet. But she is much unlike most women in that she doesn’t let clutter cramp her style. She wears it like a wreath. She thrives in it.

Since its earliest days as “Joy’s Little Soapbox” in 2005, Joy’s eye-of-the-storm blogging has been a normal part of our family life. At the very start, it was more laid back, mostly serving as a fun photo gallery for the grandparents. But as our life took some erratic and tragic turns, her blog became a place for her to pour out some of her deepest, most honest theological questions and perplexities. It became a way for her to process. To grieve. To groan. Writing has always been her therapy, which for me has been a window with vistas of insight into how she is doing.

I am thankful that she has stuck with me—and the blog—for all these years. Where I might have forgotten a lot of the stories, the blog hasn’t. It’s a chronicling, an unfolding storyline of how she has found, is finding and will find Joy in this Journey—warts and all.

Although I never comment on Joy’s blog posts, I’m an active participant in them. She and I have grown very close interacting over topics before she posts them. Yes, at times, the discussions get spirited. And sometimes, I don’t agree with where she ends up. But I would not trade anything for the conversations it has kept alive about the things in life that matter most.

I often tell her I had no idea what I was getting into when I married a college debate team alum. I am not a debater, an arguer, or a fighter by any stretch. In many ways, Joy through her blog has brought more passion out of me. She has helped me to better articulate why I believe what I believe. She has sharpened me, as much as I have hopefully sharpened her in equal but opposite ways.

So blogger husbands, keep on loving that woman who lives so much of her life behind the laptop. Her words are windows that God has given you to study. Without them, you would not know her as well. Without them, you cannot love her as well.

And whatever you do, don’t talk to her while she’s typing. You just might catch a mouse up side the head.

Your turn — what’s life like being married to a blogger (or being a blogger who is married)?

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Filed UnderBlogging, Faith and Doubt, Humor, Marriage 18 Comments
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